eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
