Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
