planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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