I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
