My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
