he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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