ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
