what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
