Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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