you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
