So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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