Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
