She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
