Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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