He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
