things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.