i just wanna soil my oats bro
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.