I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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