there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
