On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.