using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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