something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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