i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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