I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize