fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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