So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
