Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
