Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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