Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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