sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
