So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
