I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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