Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
