Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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