I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Drake has all the answers
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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