It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
