I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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