mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
