you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
