it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
