Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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