If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My vagina is very pro this idea
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize