You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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