I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
