I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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