Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
