But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
