Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
