All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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