This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I want you more than these girls want KFC
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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