U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
