Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
