I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
