i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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