I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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