a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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