it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Floor bacon is actually really good
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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