Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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