I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize