He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
